Should You Never Make Someone a Priority?

Ever heard that line, you should never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option? Well, here’s what you need to know about it. By Morgan Miller

When you love someone dearly, it’s obvious that you’ll make them a priority in your life.But what do you do when the feeling isn’t mutual?Well, that’s where everything starts to go wrong in a relationship.

Misunderstandings in expectations from each other are almost always the biggest reason for bad relationships and friendships.

Making someone a priority in your life

Love is a funny thing.When you love someone, you can’t help but open the floodgates of your heart and welcome them in.

It feels good, doesn’t it, when you can truly love someone wholeheartedly?When you’re in a close friendship or a budding romance, it feels good to care about someone.And it feels a lot better when you know the other person cares about you too.

But when the care and concern is one sided, the relationship could start to turn bitter and take a worse turn.

My experience with priorities and best friends

Until some time ago, I had a really great friend. We were BFFs and shared every moment together.

We knew each other since high school, we had even moved in together and were living just like two happy sisters. And everything in my life was just perfect.Now I don’t mean to sound like a braggart here, but I’ve always found it easy to get the attention of the guys I liked while my friend found it harder to get a guy to stick aroundBut I never liked seeing my friend sad or alone, so I started tagging her along on most of my dates so she didn’t have to feel lonely at home. I didn’t care if I lost a guy. If a guy I dated couldn’t take both of us out often or be nice to her, he was out of my life. I was very protective of my friend, and I always wanted to see her happy.I shared all my special occasions with her. I spent months saving up to buy her a perfect birthday gift, and I even dumped boyfriends if she was in a slump and wanted me to spend more time with her every day. It was truly unconditional love, and I didn’t have any expectations from her. In fact, I was extremely attached to her.One day, she met a guy and started dating him. I was over the moon for her and gave her a lot of space to spend time with her steady boyfriend. At times, I even spent nights at another friend’s place just so my best friend could get some quality time alone with her boyfriend.

A few months into her relationship and I couldn’t recognize my best friend anymore. Well, she looked the same, but her behavior completely changed. She stopped calling me over the phone, and would ignore me even if I was sitting in the same room with her. She would snap at me for no reason at all, and she wanted a lot of space to herself. She was aloof and distant, and our relationship changed completely within a month or two. And I was devastated.Even when I tried talking to her about it, all she had to say was “Well, people change, don’t they? Why can’t you deal with the fact that I’ve changed?”She still expected me to do all the pampering, the cooking and the taking care of her, and she even wanted me to buy her things, but she wouldn’t do anything in return for me. In fact, she didn’t even have time for me anymore. And all I wanted from her was to spend half an hour talking to me every day. But she didn’t want to do that.

And in one conversation, she even went as far as accusing me of being jealous because she’s happier than me!My best friend was a priority to me, but it took me a lot of painful tears, long sleepless drunk nights and painful heartaches to realize the fact that I was not a priority to her.And that’s when I realized that you should never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option. I felt betrayed and cheated. And I felt so used because I sacrificed my happiness for her for years, and all she had to say to me was “who told you to do that?!”For the first time in my life, I actually realized how heartbreaking and miserable it feels to be insignificant in the eyes of someone you love so much]

 

You should never make a wrong person a priority

Needless to say, I’m not in touch with that friend anymore. I still care about her, and am filled with affectionate love when I bump into her. But I couldn’t stay friends with her anymore.

But now that I look back at all those years, I realize something. I can’t blame my friend for what happened. I made her my priority and I allowed her to use me. I didn’t care if I was a priority to her or not, because taking care of her needs made me feel good inside.When you love someone as a partner or a friend, you’re taking a risk. Your love may be reciprocated mutually, or maybe it won’t. So if you want to have a happy life, take time to fall in love with someone. It’s the safest way to ensure that you’re giving your heart to the right person.Sometimes, people are just selfish. And there’s nothing you can do about it. But from my own experience, all I can advise you is to avoid people who don’t make an effort to be nice to you. Love and affection should never be one sided. The neglect you feel is worse than the pain you’d feel after a break up

A relationship is a barter system

It’s not about keeping count. It’s about unconditionally loving each other. In a perfect relationship, both the involved people give and take constantly. And that keeps the wheel of love spinning smoothly.

It may be a relationship between lovers, friends, siblings or with parents, a happy relationship is always a barter. But when the scale of give-and-take starts to tip over, one partner will start to feel drained and annoyed. 

Do you know you’re only an option?

In many cases, you may not even realize you’re in an uneven relationship. You may be clouded by emotions, or worse, you may convince yourself that you need to give more to the relationship because your partner is more deserving of love and affection.Relationships works best only when love and affection is exchanged in equal measures.If you ever feel like you’re the one who’s doing all the giving while a friend or a lover is only taking you for granted or using you, back away from the relationship. Walking away will hurt, but it’s still better than having to endure the neglect and the pain of experiencing a one sided relationship every day of your life. 

8 signs you’ve made someone a priority when you’re only an option

If you’re unhappy with any relationship in your life, there’s a big chance that you’re in a one sided relationship. Use these 8 signs to find out if you’re giving someone more priority than they deserve in your life.

#1 They expect you to give, but they don’t give back.

#2 They constantly let you down even when you have the smallest of expectations from them. [Read:

#3 You’re just a backup plan in their life when they have nothing better to do.

#4 They don’t care about your feelings. Even when you emotionally pour your heart out, instead of understanding you or hearing you out, they just argue back or try to justify themselves.

#5 You feel hurt all the time when you’re around this person.

#6 They treat others in a special way and give them a lot of attention, but you’re never given any preference no matter how hard you try to please them.

#7 You’re always taken for granted no matter how much you try to win their affection.

#8 They are completely selfish and care only about themselves. They always put their own needs before yours, and they try to manipulate you all the timeIf you experience any of these signs in a relationship, you’re probably better off snapping all ties with them. But just remember that it’s not your fault that this person is selfish. Sometimes, some people just care too much about themselves to think from another person’s perspective.

Stolen from:-

http://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/reflections/never-make-someone-a-priority

Pointing Fingures Vs Praise

Criticism sucks a million times as bad as praises gives us good feels.

 One critical comment makes you forget a dozen positive ones. Pointing out a flaw makes the other party sound like they hardly see any good in you. They tend to sound like ingrates.
It turns out this is normal for human beings. Criticism just weighs more on our emotions than praise does. We remember negative events more vividly than positive ones, and we give more emotional weight to a loss than an equivalent gain.

This makes sense from a survival perspective, if you think about it. There’s more urgency to remember dangers vividly than rewards. The trauma of negative events — whether it’s from a pointed criticism or a stubbed toe — teaches you how to stay physically safe and in good standing with the tribe. Positive events are beneficial when you have them, and it’s helpful to remember how you got to them, but there’s no benefit in staying preoccupied with them for a long time.

“Bad emotions, bad parents and bad feedback have more impact than good ones. Bad impressions and bad stereotypes are quicker to form and more resistant to dis-confirmation than good ones,”
A natural side-effect of this overvaluation of negativity is that we tend to be more passive in life than we would be if we weighed negativity and positivity the same. Bad outcomes seem to promise more in terms of punishment than good outcomes promise in terms of benefit, so it can seem sensible to speak out and try new things as infrequently as possible 

Goddammed One Year Plus

I’ll be turning 27 tonight, and I think it’s feels so good with all my body and soul. I used to envision myself 27 and mheeeeeen, it is a whole story.27 seems so much farther removed from 26 than 26 did from 25.  I will soon officially be closer to my thirties than my college graduation. I am super loving this.

It’s more the idea of the entire decade of my life, My Twenties, that concern me more than the specific age.  What am I really going to think when I look back on My Twenties once I reach that thirty benchmark yo?  Will My Twenties be that perfect balance between real life and fantasy, adventure and adult responsibilities, finding-oneself and making money or will I discover that I went terribly terribly wrong somewhere?

What I’ve done: I graduated from the University College in four years.  I was confirmed at my part time work place several months after graduation and have stayed at that same job (moving up the ranks) for over four years.  I am in a strong relationship with the same wonderful man I have known since I was 19.  I have my own bed. I traveled a little bit and still on it.

What I Have Not Done: I have not back-packed across my own Northern part of the country.It is such a shame. The other continents; on my way. The binge drinking every weekend thing. I have not hopped from job to job (though have had a few small freelance cheoz in addition to my one stable full time.

When I start to freak out about something, I do two things:
1. I find a song that I end up playing over and over and over again; the song doesn’t have to directly reflect the thing I’m freaking out about.  But there is something about it that comforts me, and when it’s not playing, I start freaking out more.  The current song is the cover of “King of Wishful Thinking” by Karmin.It doesn't resonate to this write up in any way. Ear wormery I call it.
2. I make lists. Lists make me feel better. This is not the list I’m referring to though.
I’ve come to the conclusion that there are a few things in my life I should work on in order to make the most out of the next three years, to start really becoming that adult I need to be.  This list includes both the trivial things and the profound ones– that is, the things I’ll be working on my whole life but I will nevertheless be disappointed about not having figured out by the age of 30. 

The Actual 27 List: 1. This driving been lazy about it

2. Take my career seriously as a real job rather than a hobby.  I’m in a place that many people (twenty-somethings and beyond) find themselves: my day job isn’t EXACTLY what I consider my main “career.”  But because of this, sometimes the “real” career gets sidetracked

the day job, and suddenly what you really want to do is pushed onto this weird boundary between career and hobby.  That is not a good place.  I need to show up to my real “career” job just as often as my day job.  I need to get to the point of OBSESSION.

3. Stop thinking so much about the image I project; spend more time cultivating the true foundation beneath that image.  In an age of facebook and twitter and blogs (ha!) and a general career environment that is more individual-centralized than ever before, it is easy to get lost in creating the image of the person you want other people to see; and while you’re doing that, you forget to really nurture your true self.  This speaks to self-editing and fearing what others will think of you; I have found that the moments when I let go and just tell the truth and don’t worry so much about people’s reactions or what the end result will be are not only the most educational moments, but the moments when I create the work I’m most proud of.  It is far better to get that tinge of excitement and worry when you finally put something out into the world than having that same feeling early on and then playing it safe. Just let go and get it done for god’s sake.

4. Pay more attention to money management/future plans and health.  Basically – I’m going to get old faster than I think, and I’ll need some money at some point.  Also, I’m not 21 anymore and can’t just eat anything I want (honestly, I couldn’t really do that at 21 either).  Exercise.

5. Focus on something and commit to it.  I’m interested in a lot of things.  That’s great.  That’s probably part of the reason I wanted to be a writer – so I could live multiple lives for the price of one.  But I can’t actually do all the things I want to do.  So I got to pick a few to concentrate on.  Focus and get good at them…get GREAT at them.  Now is the time to make that effort.  I don’t want to be having the same conversations with myself about finishing my novel when I’m 37.

6. Make all those big travel plans a reality.  Even if they don’t happen until I’m in my thirties.  They will happen.

7. That list of writing projects I’ve written down to finish?  Yeah.  Finish those.

“The King of Wishful Thinking” has now played 27 times on my phone.  And that’s the end of my list. Irony ?

By the way; I am so HAPPPPPPPYYYYY I am 27 years Old. My older sis said goodbye to me when she was just 26.