I’ve
often heard that people only start wanting you when they think that you
don’t want them. It’s true; I’ve lived by it. Whether its business or
friendships or especially romantic relationships, the person who cares
less always seems to be the person who has the most power. At least
that’s what it might feel like for the person that cares more. But I
question whether this is true or not.
Just
yesterday, some girlfriends and I were talking about boys and I quoted “If you never take it seriously, you never get
hurt.” And it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve ultimately come off as
cynical about relationships. lol People think it stems from really not
caring; on the contrary, it stems from the fear of caring too much.
I know how to be the person who doesn’t
text back, who doesn’t call back, who waits for the guy to make the
first move, and who acts like I couldn’t care less whether he does or he
doesn’t. Being this person comes natural to me because I have convinced
myself that being the other person comes with too much potential
damage. And I do think to an extent it does. I may never have truly had
my heart broken, but I’ve known people who have; I’ve been there for
them. And that shit isn’t fun. It’s depressing and devastating and
oftentimes a really long journey to returning to being okay.
But the thing is I think people who put
themselves out there; people who let you know they care a lot – I think
that they have the right idea. I think the human heart especially when
it’s young, is really resilient. I think that the journey to being okay
when one’s heart has been broken is a journey that is usually worth
facing even when love hasn’t done what you wanted. But when you’re the
one who cares less, who apparently doesn’t care at all, you’ll go never
go on this journey because you’ll convince yourself that you don’t need
to. You convince yourself that you’re fine even when you’re not.
What
people don’t seem to realize about the person who cares less or acts
like they care less is that they’re usually the one who ends up being
hurt the most. It is human to want love and to want to be taken care of
and to want to take care of someone else. To deny that, is simply to
deny one’s humanity. Being the “queen of not giving a shit” doesn’t make
one healthier or stronger or wiser or cooler or even happier. It just
makes you feel less human. It makes you feel, less and less.
When it’s all said and done, even people
who are perfectly lonely and perfectly alone – still need their person.
Whether it’s a romantic partner, a good friend, a loyal family member –
everybody needs a person. And the truth is if you act like you don’t
care enough, people will eventually start to believe you. So if you feel
like you care too much or feel too much or love too much, remember that
the alternative is worse. We should all try to seek balance because
virtue is that middle ground between any two extremes. But when it comes
to love, I don’t know if there is such a thing as loving too much or
showing that you love too much. And if there is, I think it’s
commendable; not something to be ashamed of. Because if you don’t tell
people and show people that you do care, that you do have feelings for
them, that you do love them, how the hell are they supposed to know?
