Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Sisterhood of The World Bloggers Award


I was nominated by Hundeyin on this Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award. What a beautiful way to show appreciation. Gratitude babes. Thank you.The award is passed from sister blogger to sister blogger and there are just 4 conditions you have to meet when you accept the award

The Rules
1. Thank the blogger who nominated you, linking back to their site.

2. Put the award logo on your blog.

3. Narrate a child hood memory
4. Nominate  bloggers

Me I 'be' wanting to nominate my tweenie Duru but he is a male man. Still there are these tremendous sister bloggers who are out there to influence, inspire, impart, aspire, encourage and keep their readers fueled with words, phrases, articles, pictures that matter. I would like to celebrate you. Fashionpad  BeautifulEagle  Tibs  Shamboo Style Hundeyin  Toni Rosy

I used to call mother mummy Hope because that is what everybody else around us called her. A holiday happened and I  stayed with my auntie. But what came to my realisation is ;my cousins called auntie mum. When the holiday elapsed and I returned home I was beaming with excitement to call mother a new name. Mum. Since then she  ceased to be mummy Hope and she become my mum too. The musings of growing up.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Wish, Try, Should and Deserve

These words; I do find that whenever I need to make use of them, there’s a good chance I’m being at least a little presumptuous, simple-minded, or sneaky. They raise a similar red flag when I hear or read them too.They aren’t “bad” words, but they do lend themselves to a certain kind of self-deception. They often hint at more going on.


I find myself using the word “wish” when I’ve decided I don’t like something the way it is, yet I’m not actually doing anything about it. There’s no real reason to declare my wishes. Whenever I start a sentence with “I just wish…” feel free to ignore me, I’m only wasting your time. My whiny face has probably made you tune out anyway.Whenever I let the phrase “I wish” escape my mouth, all I really have to say is this: “I’m not happy with things the way they are. I would be happy if they were like this. So there.”Not only is it useless for changing the circumstances, but it reinforces the myth to which I’ve momentarily fallen prey: that my happiness is dependent on my circumstances only and has nothing to do with my attitude. It’s a bitter little plea that life isn’t what I want it to be in this particular moment, and a dead giveaway that I’m not prepared to do anything about it right now.Wishing is a desperate, self-defensive behavior. It gives you a little hit of relief from a reality you don’t want to deal with, but it sure doesn’t move things along.Of course, in those moments, I’m too consumed by my fantasies to see that my attitude is usually the biggest and most damning feature of the present circumstances. If my attitude sucks, the circumstances suck. But acknowledging that would mean I have to be responsible for it, and it’s easier to instead wish for the  Calvary to appear on the horizon and save me.


I don’t know about you, but I know I insert the word “try” into a sentence when I’m not actually willing to take on the responsibility of promising I’ll do something. Yet I’m still willing to pretend I at least have the intention of doing it — somewhere in my mind.I’ll try to call and ask about that. I’ll try to exercise every day. I’ll try to get it done on Friday after work.It means: I might end up doing that if it’s easier than I expect it to be. Try is the ultimate catch-all qualifier for anyone looking to commit absolutely nothing to a particular effort. It’s not even particularly sneaky anymore. We know what it means


You should clean this place up. I should exercise more. They should make this illegal.Like wish, should is often used as a way of placing responsibility for your quality of life on other people or the world at large. Whenever humans encounter some kind of inconvenience or difficulty, the first thought is always something resembling “Wouldn’t it be nice if this moment was easier than it is?” The mind searches for a way to characterize oneself as the victim of some unthinkable injustice, and a should-based thought is born. In our mind’s eye we step momentarily into an alternate space where everything feels just and right to us.
One of the more common forms is “They should outlaw [whatever thing is most unpleasant to you at the moment].” I’ve even heard people say (including myself) things like, “Anybody who cuts in line should be shot.” Clearly many of these should-reactions are not meant to be honest appeals for a better world, just a little fantasy of a parallel world where this particular problem isn’t happening to you right now, because in that world things are the way they should be.Most shoulds are really just desperate pleas for your moment to be less troublesome to you, whether your trouble stems from a tiny inconvenience  or a profoundly disturbing aspect of human behavior (such as violence.)Now, just because we recognize how absurd it is to respond to troubling circumstances only by “shoulding” about people and circumstances around us, it doesn’t mean that the situation is fair, or that we can’t do anything to change it. The problem might represent a real, glaring injustice that causes a lot of suffering for people, and which could potentially be changed with some effort.
Yet the first reaction to any troubling situation is almost always to simply declare that this moment *should* be something closer to what would sit right with you, and most of the time we’re not prepared to do any more than just say so.So in my wiser, more centered moments, I don’t bring out the word should unless I’m prepared to make it the way it ‘should’ be. Usually I’m not.


This one can get ugly. I’ve almost cut this one out of my vocabulary completely because I’ve found so few instances where it isn’t absurdly presumptuous.Any smoker who gets cancer deserves it. Criminals deserve whatever happens to them in prison. What does a person have to do to “deserve” some horrible fate? How does one know what amount of “caused pain” warrants X amount of “deserved pain” and why do we assume that we (or anyone) are in a position to make a meaningful assessment of it?Even among reasonable people, deserve gets out of hand quickly, because we tend to make our most sweeping assessments when we’re really worked up emotionally. I’m not a violent person, but at times I’ve convinced myself that somebody who tags a fence deserves a serious beating, that careless people deserve to get in horrible accidents, that drug addicts deserve misery.Deserve is really just a more specific type of should, one which refers to what fates people ought to experience. Most violence is rationalized with “deserve”.
Deserve also serves as a way of becoming more comfortable with tragedy by making a “closed loop” of it. Sure, that guy got run over by a forklift, but he was being pretty careless, so…It’s gratifying to decide what people deserve, particularly if we know nothing about them except for the one behavior we witnessed or heard about. This is what mainstream news is all about. The typical story is like this: “Something terrible happened today, many people suffering, who deserves the blame?”And that’s the fun part, the payoff. The discussion surrounding who deserves to be ostracized, fired or killed is always more attractive than the one about how we can help. This kind of talk is now so pervasive on television, it’s become a new pastime: the self-satisfaction of attributing blame to people we don’t know over great distances, working only from tiny slivers of single-sourced information.The more distant we are from the person, the easier it is to decide what they deserve. If the smoker who dies of cancer is some guy on the news, he deserves it. But if he’s your uncle or your dad, you know it’s never as simple as that.

These Words.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Reblogged Article.


As the days go by and my strides feel like they are getting longer and longer. I yearn for that one MAN who is God sent, who is my friend, my boyfriend and ultimately change my last name to his and we become lifetime partners. This isn’t a lonely post; in fact I’m a happy single (who is tired of dating her friends’). This is for all singles that are in the struggle and being positive while waiting for their companion. God created us to be fruitful.

As a young woman I am a HOPEFUL romantic not HOPELESS , but HOPEFUL. I believe in love , I believe… Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres ( 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 )

I refuse to be the woman that settles, just to say she has a companion. I’m waiting for my Umbrella or modern day Boaz. Here’s a question I ask daily; How does one remain hopeful and not compromise themselves when society dictates that it is okay to “shack up”,” have PROTECTED sex “ and settle for a common law marriage”, all the while having the “I don’t need a man mentality”?

I don’t walk around with a checklist, but geesh can my candidate have substance and morals? I promise you it is getting harder and harder for us women, because no one wants to work for it. Well I don’t want an expensive purse, shoes, or car. I want the praying together, worshiping together, intimate talks, weekend getaways, family gatherings, and building success together even if we have to struggle.

I’m not one to conform because I was raised by an old school mother and grandmother. I’m a modern day single woman who is strong enough to be alone, but also humble enough to know everyone needs somebody; and knows loneliness is a lie from the devil. I desire to be a wife, so therefore I have to conduct myself as a wife, I can’t keep putting myself in the friend zone and giving confusing signs.

I will remain Hopeful , because I know whatever I desire and what God has ordained for my life will happen, so therefore I remain patient. So singles out there remain happy, be patient and have fun; but stay away from the friend zone and sending mixed signals. It is a lesson I learned the hard way.

“Patience is power. Patience is not an absence of action; rather it is “timing”. It waits on the right time to act, for the right principles and in the right way.”

See more at: http://theprayingwoman.com/2014/08/20/patience-is-a-virtue-and-settling-is-not-an-option/#sthash.Ww8XiouS.dpuf

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Being Good Sucks

Just bitch up the whole situation, lose both or emerge a winner. It’s a win, win or lose, lose .The statement resonated with me, too, so much so that I found myself madly rummaging through Microsoft word typing letters and words as this whole plight was still fresh and appealing not like those yellow stickers I discretely write.. Honestly, I’m not sure why I always rethink about what people share with me. It’s the biggest source of most of these blog posts. .. If being good were as easy as most cartoons make it out to be, everyone would be a saint. Truth is sometimes Being Good Sucks. Doing the right thing doesn't always feel good, is hard to pull off, can be painful, sometimes even harmful, to yourself and others. Being good requires a heroic sacrifice, keeping your word and thinking of others before yourself. It means swallowing your pride, owning up to and apologizing for your mistakes. It means doing the above without expecting a reward (even a spoken thank you refusing one if offered and most ego-crushing, accepting the punishment for being good… 

Jamie and Phoebe‘s affair began when they met in a taxi. Jamie looks at Phoebe and she looks at him ; the chemistry is there from the start. “We have always taken the same taxis; have you ever noticed me? “Jamie asks Phoebe. “By the way we stay in the same vicinity; you should come over to my place and prepare for you a meal.” I enjoy cooking. It all started on a friendship level; slow and steady. Phoebe is a well brought up girl with a church background and human principals. Jamie is an international boy, well traveled, informed, staying with a partner is not a problem, “if we like each why not stay together”. Phoebe is on the other end of the rope.-She is also a very learned girl, church-ed to the core, step by step life living. Both East and West Valued lads meet up and Jamie pours out his heart to Phoebe. I want you to move in with me baby, we make babies, live together, grow old together. The wedding will come. Do you have a problem with it? Hesitant Phoebe is scared, reflecting and wondering; now check this one. She even forgets his name for a second. She wants a wedding, but moving in with him; tarnishes her world, reputation, disappointments and Jamie seems to really be at the East of issues. He just doesn’t seem to get it that she can’t leave home because he says let’s stay together. There procedures to follow. Phoebe has been single for the last 5 years of life. She is just 31 years old, pretty at heart, face, body and soul.

The variations are endless; Sacrificing your own happiness: It can be any type of happiness, be it denying romance to protect the love interest, or where their quest to be a master is leveraged against a friend's life when the friend or idol decision comes along. Giving up your ambitions: Usually these are selfish or dark ambitions, and denying them helps the character in the long run. When a character wants revenge for the murder of a loved one in a world where if you kill him you will be just like them, their giving up murder (though not necessarily forgiving the villain) will cost them dearly.Honesty is a big source of Suck when being good. It means that any wrong doing on your part (or your friends') must be revealed. The character may find that to do what is right means going against stupid laws, becoming a wanted man, separated from loved ones, with their "reputation" ruined.On the other side of the fence, when Evil Feels Good. Often applies to a Heel-Face Turn character, or a hero who laments that they have to save somebody they hate from a burning building, or they don't get to kill their most hated enemy, because that's the "heroic" decision.
You know how it’s done in the movies.

There are many instances in real life in which being good doesn't suck that much. Scientifically, deeds perceived as good entail social recognition and approval, and bad deeds entail reprisal. Justice is one of the fundamental evolutionary imperatives that allows human society to function coherently; we may not all be saints, but we're not all lawless murderers. Unless you're a Villain with Good Publicity It's usually more profitable to abide by society's rules, and even in that case you're best off being Affably Evil.

Monday, October 6, 2014

You Win for a While and Then.............

You win the game and for a while, things are different. ... texture of your experience changes and you say to yourself, "OK, now I've made it; now I will be happy". ... Moment by moment life flows by and it is never the same. Then your face frowns, and you start hearing small voices, " your doing the wrong thing", "hit harder", "hold on, Let is go "  There you are, and you suddenly realize that you are spending your whole life just barely getting by. You keep up a good front. You manage to make ends meet somehow and look OK from the outside. But those periods of desperation, those times when you feel everything caving in on you, you keep those to yourself. You are a mess. And you know it. But you hide it beautifully. Meanwhile, way down under all that you just know there has got be some other way to live, some better way to look at the world, some way to touch life more fully. You click into it by chance now and then. You get a good job. You fall in love. You win the game and for a while, things are different. Life takes on a richness and clarity that makes all the bad times and humdrum fade away. The whole texture of your experience changes and you say to yourself, "OK, now I've made it; now I am Happy and  I will be happy". But then that fades, too, like smoke in the wind. You are left with just a memory. That and a vague awareness that something is wrong.

In my own personal journey of trying to be a better person, I realized that it was all about aiming to be happy. Nothing more, nothing less. When you’re happy, you’re effectively better in every aspect of your life.
The second realization is that happiness comes from shedding the unnecessary in life, as in you need to stop caring about certain things.The third realization? A lot of these unnecessary things are painfully obvious. More often than not, it’s plain common sense.

We have these kinds of moments all the time. Things are going fine, and then they’re not, because you think of something you might have to deal with. The moment goes a bit dark. You wish you hadn’t thought of it. Another thing on your plate.Problems emerge like that: a mental tapping on the shoulder, and a darkening of the emotions. I’ve become really interested in the exact moment this reaction happens, and watching what physical feelings creep in. It almost always does something to the body: the jaw hardens, the skin flushes, or a pit grows below the ribcage.

In those moments, it can be easy to forget (assuming you realize this in the first place) that most of these apparent problems will never have to be solved. They’ll never ripen into real-life dilemmas that require anything difficult from you. Chances are they’ll be sticky notes in the bin at the end of the week if you are organized enough to write them down.

Over and over and over in my life, things that I think will be a big problem turn out not to be. Something else happens instead. Or, a moment I’m dreading comes and goes and it’s not that bad. Most of the time, the only difficulty posed by a problem is dealing with the moment in which it occurs to you that you might have a problem. After watching thousands of my worries go straight to the bin, I’m getting better at noticing the “shoulder tap” when it happens, and reminding myself that this problem probably isn’t a problem. Most problems never become real-life dilemmas for a very simple reason. Our minds work many times faster than real life does. In a single minute, your thoughts can jump between a dozen or more concerns:The car is making a weird noise. I think,there was something I was supposed to buy — what was it,Oh crap, I have that thing tomorrow, and I hate mingling,I have no idea if I’m saving enough. Probably not.

Real life only shows up one moment at a time. One thing on your plate.Your mind tells you there is a problem whenever it detects a somewhat possible unpleasant future experience, which it can do all day, and it happily will if you don’t call its bluff. Of course there’s an infinite supply of potential disasters. These are just thoughts, but they seem like realities, and any one of them can create an emotional pitfall now no matter what actually happens later.Each of these apparent problems represents itself as something you will have to act on at some point. Ninety per cent of the time, this is a lie. Thoughts are like little politicians; experts at rhetoric, sensationalism self-preservation, unlimited in number, mostly just noisy and useless but occasionally make important things happen.We probably have ten or twenty or fifty apparent problems for every real problem, and that can make a normal day into a minefield if you react to every one as it comes up. The tendency is to want to engage with it right there, as if we can make it go away this way.

 And what is our solution to all this dissatisfaction? We get stuck in the ' If only' syndrome. If only I had more money, then I would be happy. If only I could find somebody who really loves me, if only I could lose 20 kilo grams, if only I owned  a car , and curly hair, and on and on forever. So where does all this junk come from and more important, what can we do about it? It comes from?