Monday, July 31, 2017

Desolate and Disoriented!

Are you feeling lost and unwanted, like no one cares about you? Hang on. The most important thing to remember when you feel all alone in this world is that it’s a natural – and even healthy – part of being human.
Your “lost and alone” feelings are actually a good thing, believe it or not! It means you’re in touch with your authentic self. You’re alive and real, self-aware and insightful. You’re not stuffing your feelings down or hiding behind walls. You’re actually allowing yourself to be real. It hurts, but being real is the best way to live.

If you’re feeling unwanted and lonely because you lost someone you love, then you need to create a new “normal life” for yourself. If you’re depressed because of a breakup, then you need to rebuild a new life that is more fulfilling and interesting than the one you left behind. If you’re devastated because you were rejected and you really do believe no one cares about you, then you need to take a deep breath and remind yourself of what is true, good, and pure.
This is work only you can do. What was your old life like? It’s time to let it go. What will the new normal in your life be? You can do this – you can recreate your life. And it may be even brighter and more beautiful than you can imagine.

The other day I was at a friend’s for dinner, and I told her that I want to move to a new town. Kampala is beautiful, but it’s crowded and busy. I want to live more simply and quietly.
My friend told me that I don’t know how much I’ll be missed by my friends and community here. I wave her away, saying that I actually haven’t connected with many people at all. She disagreed. She said I really don’t have a clue about how much I matter.

What if it’s the same for you? Maybe you feel unwanted and like no one cares about you…but is it possible that there is one person who really does love you? Yes. It is possible. In fact, it’s probably true. Turn your thoughts and attention towards that person when you’re feeling like no one cares. Soak up her love, and remind yourself that you aren’t alone.

You’re fully alive when you’re feeling alone
The reason you’re struggling with feeling unwanted is because you’re actually tuning in to how you really think and feel. This is painful – but it is the best way to live!

When you tell yourself “no one cares about me”, you’re being brave and strong enough to face your true feelings. Do you know how rare this is? Most of us distract ourselves from feeling unwanted and alone by surfing the internet, spending money, making money, doing drugs, seeking adrenalin rushes. Some of us don’t notice our feelings of being lonely because we’re caught up in our families, parenting, jobs, responsibilities, and relationships. But eventually the distraction is taken away, such as with a breakup or death of a loved one, which I talk about in Words of Comfort When Your Heart is Broken.

You are in touch with your true, deepest, most real self.Something is calling you. Do you not perceive it? You are feeling unwanted and you are acting on those feelings because you have a purpose on this earth. You were put here for a reason, and these feelings that no one cares will help you find your purpose. This is happening for a reason. You found “She Blossoms” for a reason. This isn’t just about feeling unwanted and like no one cares about you…this is part of a deeper, more important calling on your life.

Your job is to keep listening for that still small voice. To do that, you need to take time alone. “The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.” – Anne Frank.

You will get through this and be happy again!
It’s lonely and sad to feel like no one cares about you. It hurts. Even though I’m an optimist and I always look on the bright side without even trying, I know what it feels like to be alone in this world. It’s a gray, empty, sad feeling. I’m almost always happy, but even I have to admit that it’s terrible to feel unwanted, lost, and alone

Even Happy Positive Cheerful Energetic Me knows that these feelings are heavy, gray, and suffocating. One of the best ways to cope when you feel like no one cares is to remember that these feelings will pass. You will get through this, and you will feel happy again.

If you write about how alone you feel, you may heal faster
Don’t suppress your feelings. It’s not fair – and it’s devastating – that you have to cope with the shadowy side of being human.But you will make it worse if keep your emotions bottled up. Don’t swallow your feelings of being unwanted. Don’t hide the truth. Be honest with someone you trust when you feel like no one cares. And, LISTEN to the response you get. I bet you’ll hear people say they know how you feel, they feel the same way…and they love you.

But, don’t expect people to fill the hole in your heart and soul. Only God (or whatever you call your Higher Power) can do that. He created you, and He knows what you need. Nothing and no one else can care about you the way God does. Not relationships, parents, partners, food, sex, shopping, drugs, Facebook, or even Blossom newsletters can replace what only God can give you.
You can gain strength from an ancient source of wisdom
Turn to Ecclesiastes in the Bible. There’s something comforting in the wise writer’s words, even though they’re full of pain and loneliness! Maybe that’s why it helps. The writer – King Solomon – shares how meaningless life is, how lonely, sad, and alone he feels. He says nothing makes him happy, not money or wine or even wisdom. He ends by saying that the only solution is to fear God and obey His commandments.

Why that makes me feel better, I don’t know…I guess it’s because it helps me see that we’re all suffering, we all go through bouts of loneliness and meaninglessness…even people who lived more than 2,000 years felt the ‘lostness’ and unhappiness we feel. It’s just part of being alive.


Tuesday, July 25, 2017

This Morning Had The Potential To Get Messy.

I received fantastic news amidst an acrid plight. I was literally seething and it took me 19 minutes to process the good tidings. I was going crook trying to contain the whole situation of my surroundings.

Anger is an excellent impetus for change, however, it’s not the change itself. And once I realized that the people who pissed me off weren’t going to change on behalf of my internal rage with their actions, I realized that I was the one who had to change. I had to reconsider and reboot this precious little gem called perspective—the slant from which I interpreted these people who vexed me off so much.

That process began and ended with one simple question: How are these people any different from me?

Every single one of us is human, and so we’re all more or less alike in our biological tendencies rooted in progress in the face of obstacles—our commonalities under this human condition. And because of this condition, we are unavoidably subject to our experiences; no one and nothing exists in isolation as we’re all affected by everything with which we come into contact, for better and for worse. And though our individuality makes it so that each of us interprets our experiences to manifest in uniquely tailored ways, the purposes behind those interpretations and manifestations all come down to survival. To working with the circumstances and pressing onward, even if “pressing onward” doesn’t manifest in the most beneficial way.

I’ve learned that when people piss me off, there’s no use in staying pissed off at them for more than about a minute. There is, however, a world of good in shifting my perspective to one of compassion, and it goes something like this:

“You piss me off. What you’re doing (obsessing over yourself/committing crimes and acts of hatred/bullying/hurting people/complaining about nothing/seeking power for no real reason/etc.) makes me angry and my insides are screaming at you for it. However, I understand that you are this way and you do this for a reason—perhaps for the same reasons I am the way I am and I do the things I do. We’re different, and so we react to those reasons differently; but we’re the same in that we’re just trying to press onward from wherever it was that something went wrong.”

Anger makes you feel powerful
Since anger can’t *poof* the situation into what we want it to be, we turn toward empowerment. We allow our anger to be our authority.

 See, our need for control is essentially a power struggle with the rest of the world. Our gremlins want us to be in control of everything internal and external. And when we aren’t in control, our gremlins feel threatened, as if someone or something is trying to take away our power.

But superiority is an illusion. We’ll never have it. Which just perpetuates our anger.

So we choose to hold steadfast onto this notion that a display of anger instills power, fear, authority over circumstance and people. And when someone pisses us off, we choose anger as our weapon in a desperate attempt to salvage our self-worth.

Yet we quickly find that anger isn’t worth much at all.

The most powerful thing you can do

When someone pisses you off, expressing anger will not prove your superiority. It will only leave you powerless to the situation and cast you into a deep hole of self-loathing.

But I know something you can do. Something that will make you the most powerful person in your life.

Ok, here it is.

This is the most powerful thing you can do when someone pisses you off:

  •     Don’t think about that person.
  •     Don’t let that person occupy any real estate in your mind.
  •     Don’t allow that person to occupy a vacancy in your thought stream.
  •     Don’t keep that person alive and real in your life.
  •     Mentally let that person go.

We say that deceased people “live on” when we remember them. We visit graves, we play their favorite song, we look at a photo of them.

But they are not alive physically. Their body no longer exists on the earth in the same form as when we knew them. Regardless of our belief of what happens to people when they die, they remain part of our reality simply because we think of them.

Same goes for the living.

Whenever we think of a person, we keep that person alive in our minds.

Therefore, if the presence of someone is weighing on you, release that person from your thoughts. Then they’ll no longer be present.
To be clear, you’re not killing anyone. You are not a murder. I can it a self cleanse.

Okay, just to be very clear to my more literal readers, I’m not suggesting that we kill people in our thoughts.

I repeat: I am not suggesting, insinuating, recommending, or anything else thereof, that we kill people in our thoughts or think about killing people.

Phewks, I think that was a decent enough disclaimer…  

Not thinking of someone releases the control their presence has on our thoughts. And if they aren’t physically present in front of us, then they aren’t actually present at all.

Maybe this is getting too deep, too abstract. I’ll back up.

When you allow someone to occupy your mind, you run the risk of victimizing yourself to their words and actions instead of taking responsibility for yourself. You run the risk of letting that person control the way you feel instead of controlling your feelings yourself.

By releasing someone from thought, forbidding them from occupying your precious mental real estate, you make a conscious choice to block any related incoming or outgoing negativity. You essentially take a leadership role in your life and prevent your circumstances from disturbing your inner peace and self-worth.

The Most Powerful Thing You Can Do When Someone Pisses You Off - Happy Life


Think about how you typically react when you feel angry.

Is your reaction productive? rational? worth feeling that way?

Take some time to really think about how you react whenever something doesn’t go your way. Think about past times when you became angry and didn’t handle yourself well. Then think about times when you became angry or dissatisfied and did handle yourself well.

Think about how you felt in each situation and what you could have done differently. Think about what worked and what you should continue doing.

And above all, think about anger in general and what it means to harbor it.

Think about where anger comes from, where it’s rooted, and why it grows.

And whenever you find yourself getting heated up, don’t think of anything at all.

It’s a beautiful Day

Monday, April 3, 2017

Console A Friend

Your friend is absolutely, positively, 100 percent sure that she’s going to get the job she applied for recently. She’s so certain, the two of you agree to celebrate over dinner. Then she calls and says, dejectedly: “I can’t believe it. I didn’t get the job.”
What do you do?

Knowing how to handle this sensitive situation, especially if your friend has been looking for work for a while, can be challenging.
While there’s no-one-size-fits-all answer, I’ve learned from my experience as a career coach that certain types of consoling responses tend to be more useful than others.

7 Ways to Help When a Friend Doesn’t Get a Job
Here are seven ways to help your friend (or any other special person in your life, including your spouse or adult child) deal with the aftermath of an unexpected job rejection. For simplicity’s sake, throughout this piece I’m describing the friend as a woman, but the advice would be the same for a man:
1. Offer a sympathetic ear. Often the most important thing you can do, at least initially, is be a good listener.
Diane Machado, director of career development and internships at the College of Mount St. Vincent in Riverdale, N.Y., says, “The best thing to do is let them talk about what happened without trying to instantly provide advice.”
 While your instinct might be to immediately go into fix-it mode, it’s more important to be a sounding board. This will allow your friend to process the news and her emotions.

2. Acknowledge the loss. Let your friend know that you recognize how disappointed she is. A simple but heartfelt “I’m so sorry” is often the best thing to say.
Steer away from platitudes, like “everything happens for a reason” or “this is a blessing in disguise.” A phrase like that might come across as trivializing your friend’s pain. “It totally negates the feelings the person is having,” Machado says.
Of course, it's fine to agree with your friend if she concludes on her own that “everything happens for reason.” Just don't be the one to put those words in her mouth.

3. Be sensitive to the unspoken issues of your friend’s employment search. Her reaction to not getting the position might be about more than just the job. There are often a host of financial, logistical and family worries connected to finding work.
Your friend might be up at night thinking things like: Will we need to move? How long will it be before I find a job? Can we afford to pay our daughter’s college tuition next year?

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Care Less!

I’ve often heard that people only start wanting you when they think that you don’t want them. It’s true; I’ve lived by it. Whether its business or friendships or especially romantic relationships, the person who cares less always seems to be the person who has the most power. At least that’s what it might feel like for the person that cares more. But I question whether this is true or not.
Just yesterday, some girlfriends and I were talking about boys and I quoted “If you never take it seriously, you never get hurt.” And it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve ultimately come off as cynical about relationships. lol People think it stems from really not caring; on the contrary, it stems from the fear of caring too much.

I know how to be the person who doesn’t text back, who doesn’t call back, who waits for the guy to make the first move, and who acts like I couldn’t care less whether he does or he doesn’t. Being this person comes natural to me because I have convinced myself that being the other person comes with too much potential damage. And I do think to an extent it does. I may never have truly had my heart broken, but I’ve known people who have; I’ve been there for them. And that shit isn’t fun. It’s depressing and devastating and oftentimes a really long journey to returning to being okay.
But the thing is I think people who put themselves out there; people who let you know they care a lot – I think that they have the right idea. I think the human heart especially when it’s young, is really resilient. I think that the journey to being okay when one’s heart has been broken is a journey that is usually worth facing even when love hasn’t done what you wanted. But when you’re the one who cares less, who apparently doesn’t care at all, you’ll go never go on this journey because you’ll convince yourself that you don’t need to. You convince yourself that you’re fine even when you’re not.

What people don’t seem to realize about the person who cares less or acts like they care less is that they’re usually the one who ends up being hurt the most. It is human to want love and to want to be taken care of and to want to take care of someone else. To deny that, is simply to deny one’s humanity. Being the “queen of not giving a shit” doesn’t make one healthier or stronger or wiser or cooler or even happier. It just makes you feel less human. It makes you feel, less and less.
When it’s all said and done, even people who are perfectly lonely and perfectly alone – still need their person. Whether it’s a romantic partner, a good friend, a loyal family member – everybody needs a person. And the truth is if you act like you don’t care enough, people will eventually start to believe you. So if you feel like you care too much or feel too much or love too much, remember that the alternative is worse. We should all try to seek balance because virtue is that middle ground between any two extremes. But when it comes to love, I don’t know if there is such a thing as loving too much or showing that you love too much. And if there is, I think it’s commendable; not something to be ashamed of. Because if you don’t tell people and show people that you do care, that you do have feelings for them, that you do love them, how the hell are they supposed to know?

So I suppose you can go through life thinking that eventually someone will break down all the walls that you’ve put up, because you don’t want anyone to know how much you can care; how much you can love. But life is short and people are busy. And maybe when the right person comes along, maybe they’ll see right through you. Maybe. But if you keep telling yourself that you don’t care, maybe you’ll also start believing it and you won’t even be able to see your person when you find them. So get out while you can and start giving a shit; and if your heart breaks, let it break. Because it’ll be okay. You will be okay.