I’m going to tell you a secret.
Women love compliments.
OMG, are you serious? That’s not a secret…
You’re right, you’re right… just chill out. I’m getting to
the secret part.
I’m going to set it up a little. Hang with me here.
You see a beautiful woman. You say, “Hi, gorgeous, how are
you today?”
She snarls at you and moves away.
HEY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID ALL WOMEN LIKE COMPLIMENTS.
I didn’t say all women like all compliments.
A beautiful woman hears compliments on her looks all day
long, every day. And every one of those men complimenting her wants something
from her, her time, her attention, etc. And they all say the same thing. No one
cares about the person, they just want to be seen with the pretty woman.
So, let’s try this again.
You see a cute but dorky girl reading War and Peace. You
say, “Wow, you must be really smart, reading War and Peace.”
She looks at you blankly and says, “I’m reading. Leave me
alone.”
THIS ISN’T WORKING! I’M GIVING COMPLIMENTS AND CRASHING AND
BURNING. ARE YOU SOME SORT OF SADIST?
A smart woman constantly is told she’s smart, as if that is
all she is. All of the “smart girl” stereotypes, you just smacked her with?
She’s used to it. Unimpressed. Slightly offended. There’s more to her than her
brain.
WHAT THE HOLY HELL? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IF I’M NOT
COMPLIMENTING HER ON THE OBVIOUS?
Nice! You just figured it out.
WHAT DID I FIGURE OUT? START TALKING SENSE!
Don’t compliment her on the obvious. If you want her to take
you seriously, take her seriously. The pretty woman rarely hears that she’s
smart. The smart woman rarely hears that she’s pretty. Learn a few observation
skills and find out what someone wants to be, and compliment that.
That gorgeous woman has a book sitting next to her.
“Oh, are you reading Malcom Gladwell’s Blink? Did you read
Outliers?”
“Oh, I just started it. But it’s good so far.”
“You have great taste in literature! If you like Gladwell
you might also like Deborah Tannen…”
You didn’t say, “Great boobs, nice ass, I love blonds” you
said “You have great taste in literature!” You just recognized that she is a
person. Good job.
The dorky but cute woman sitting alone having lunch...
“Hey, I don’t mean to bother you but I think you are really
beautiful. Would you like to get coffee sometime? With me?”
Watch her blush from her neckline to her crown. Be that
bold. She doesn’t get approached like that. Even if she says no, I guarantee
you just made her day. She is going to tell every friend she has about this and
blush all over again.
What does my woman want to hear after we’ve been together a
while?
Same principle. Who does she want to be? What does she see
herself as? Compliment that.
The best compliment I ever received was:
“I really liked your book. I felt like I knew those people.”
Bonus: The “Best” Compliment
Women know we are in constant competition. Men are always
looking, always comparing. If you say to your wife, “You are the most beautiful
woman in the world” we know you are BSing. We appreciate the sentiment, but
there’s no way that’s true. Especially because we see your roaming eyes.
Want your lady to feel special? Pick out a part of her that
is the “best.”
“You have the most beautiful ears. Seriously. They are
perfect.”
“These are the most beautiful hands in the world. I mean it.
You should be a hand model.”
“I love kissing your neck. It always smells so nice and
feels so soft. I just love the curve of it. You have a beautiful neck.”
Yes, you can pick the boobs or ass, but try to find
something you sincerely enjoy about the woman in your life, that she can
believe really is unique and special and that you are the only person who knows
her well enough to appreciate it.
These are powerful things. Use compliments responsibly.
