Best Dating Advise

 In dating we often find ourselves in this grey area where we don’t know what to do anymore. Some examples:

    Your date is not texting back after what you thought was a great night.

    The colleague you asked to go watch a movie together tells you “Sorry, I can’t make it today, but let’s do it another time!” But she never says a word about it again.

    An interesting guy who said he’d call you but never does.

    The cute brunette that invited you to her party but didn’t even talk to you when you were there.

All of these examples show you ambiguous situations that – let’s be honest – suck. This is where “Yuck yes, or no” comes into play.

Why would you want to be with someone like that? Why would you want to be with someone who is obviously not excited to be with you? Why would you waste your time and sanity chasing after someone who clearly isn’t as into you as you are into them?

From now on, you should follow a simple rule: only pursue romantic endeavors in which everything seems to flow naturally.

    Go for the lover who calls you in the middle of the night after your date because he couldn’t stop thinking about you, opposed to the guy who barely remembers who you are.

    Go for the colleague who immediately buys those tickets for Avatar 2 instead of the one who leaves you hanging in the neverland between colleague and date.

    Go for the cute bubu who invites you to her party, welcomes you with open arms, and introduces you to everyone there.

Life is short. Spend it with people who want to be with you. To everyone else, your answer is “NO”.

The One Thing That All Women Love

I’m going to tell you a secret.

Women love compliments.

OMG, are you serious? That’s not a secret…

You’re right, you’re right… just chill out. I’m getting to the secret part.

I’m going to set it up a little. Hang with me here.

You see a beautiful woman. You say, “Hi, gorgeous, how are you today?”

She snarls at you and moves away.

HEY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID ALL WOMEN LIKE COMPLIMENTS.

I didn’t say all women like all compliments.

A beautiful woman hears compliments on her looks all day long, every day. And every one of those men complimenting her wants something from her, her time, her attention, etc. And they all say the same thing. No one cares about the person, they just want to be seen with the pretty woman.

So, let’s try this again.

You see a cute but dorky girl reading War and Peace. You say, “Wow, you must be really smart, reading War and Peace.”

She looks at you blankly and says, “I’m reading. Leave me alone.”

THIS ISN’T WORKING! I’M GIVING COMPLIMENTS AND CRASHING AND BURNING. ARE YOU SOME SORT OF SADIST?

A smart woman constantly is told she’s smart, as if that is all she is. All of the “smart girl” stereotypes, you just smacked her with? She’s used to it. Unimpressed. Slightly offended. There’s more to her than her brain.

WHAT THE HOLY HELL? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IF I’M NOT COMPLIMENTING HER ON THE OBVIOUS?

Nice! You just figured it out.

WHAT DID I FIGURE OUT? START TALKING SENSE!

Don’t compliment her on the obvious. If you want her to take you seriously, take her seriously. The pretty woman rarely hears that she’s smart. The smart woman rarely hears that she’s pretty. Learn a few observation skills and find out what someone wants to be, and compliment that.

That gorgeous woman has a book sitting next to her.

“Oh, are you reading Malcom Gladwell’s Blink? Did you read Outliers?”

“Oh, I just started it. But it’s good so far.”

“You have great taste in literature! If you like Gladwell you might also like Deborah Tannen…”

You didn’t say, “Great boobs, nice ass, I love blonds” you said “You have great taste in literature!” You just recognized that she is a person. Good job.

The dorky but cute woman sitting alone having lunch...

“Hey, I don’t mean to bother you but I think you are really beautiful. Would you like to get coffee sometime? With me?”

Watch her blush from her neckline to her crown. Be that bold. She doesn’t get approached like that. Even if she says no, I guarantee you just made her day. She is going to tell every friend she has about this and blush all over again.

What does my woman want to hear after we’ve been together a while?

Same principle. Who does she want to be? What does she see herself as? Compliment that.

The best compliment I ever received was:

“I really liked your book. I felt like I knew those people.”

Bonus: The “Best” Compliment

Women know we are in constant competition. Men are always looking, always comparing. If you say to your wife, “You are the most beautiful woman in the world” we know you are BSing. We appreciate the sentiment, but there’s no way that’s true. Especially because we see your roaming eyes.

Want your lady to feel special? Pick out a part of her that is the “best.”

“You have the most beautiful ears. Seriously. They are perfect.”

“These are the most beautiful hands in the world. I mean it. You should be a hand model.”

“I love kissing your neck. It always smells so nice and feels so soft. I just love the curve of it. You have a beautiful neck.”

Yes, you can pick the boobs or ass, but try to find something you sincerely enjoy about the woman in your life, that she can believe really is unique and special and that you are the only person who knows her well enough to appreciate it.

These are powerful things. Use compliments responsibly.

When the Sun Doen't Set

“You’ve changed!”

It’s something that most of us have heard at some point in our lives, usually from a former friend or someone who used to be much closer to us than they currently are. Whoever says this to you usually means to imply that they liked the “old” you better.

So, now what?

Something like this can be abrasive to hear – especially coming from someone that we once considered ourselves close to. And if you’ve been doing special work to make some positive changes in your life to make yourself a healthier and happier person, it can come as quite a shock to hear someone being so unsupportive of your self-improvement.

To hear someone so abruptly tell you that “you’ve changed!” in such a negative manner can sometimes even be enough to scare you back into ditching your new habits and retreating to the version of yourself that you used to be. After all, if your friends/family have a problem, your changes must be bad… right?

Most of the time, no. Here’s why:

When you make changes in your life to improve your state of being (and these changes can take the form of either actions or thoughts), this impact is felt throughout the circles of those involved in your life. Think about it – if you’re changing the way you behave or the way you think/speak, this is going to change the way that you interact with those around you (even those that you’ve been interacting with for years). And, subsequently, that means that those people will also have to change the way that they  interact with you.

Change is constant, and that's okay

 

Whilst you might view your exercises in self-improvement as positive, affirming and life-changing in the best of ways, not everyone will see them that way.

Often, their views aren’t even related to the actual changes that you’re making, but more to the act of change itself.

If there’s one constant in life, it’s change. We’re all changing, growing and evolving – constantly. And yet for some reason, so many of us have such negative connotations that we tack on to the word “change”.

Some people take any change to mean something bad. Scary. Unpredictable. Change can be a confronting topic as it means that there are some elements that are out of your control and unknown.

If a friend has known you for years, chances are that the way you speak, think and act will have become somewhat predictable to them – and by changing yourself, you’ve suddenly shaken that up. From their perspective, you’ve thrown an element of their world out of orbit without consulting them or giving them any control over the situation.

But while it’s natural for your friend or family member to be a little thrown off at first, it’s unrealistic of them to expect you (or anyone else, for that matter) to stay exactly as you were at a particular point in the relationship.

Sure, you’ve changed.

You’ve stopped living your life according to the manner that they found most appropriate to fit with their needs.

When someone says that you’ve changed:

You hear:“You’ve become an entirely different person and the person that you’re becoming is bad! This is an ultimatum to change back into your former self or else risk losing me as a connection entirely!”

 But they most likely mean: “You’re becoming different in ways that I didn’t expect! I don’t understand what this change means for you or the way that this will impact me. I want you to stop changing because I don’t want anything in my life to change!”

Unfortunately, when friends, colleagues or family members feel confronted by your personal changes, they can often become quite petty, nasty or even downright abusive to you. The natural reaction is to start questioning whether your self-improvement is the right path for you if it’s leading to people around you acting incredibly negatively.

But here’s the thing – you can’t control people’s opinions. If you’re making changes in your life that are making you feel more positive, happier, healthier and better in whatever other ways that you’re experiencing, then you need to trust that.

People trying to control your changes probably don't have your best interests at heart!  

The important thing to remember is that you aren’t fundamentally changing who you are, and if those around you really enjoy you because of who you are as a person, they’ll adjust. They’ll eventually try and understand and be supportive.

If they only liked you because of how you used to act/think/behave, then they’re unlikely to remain in your life. Try not to be too upset by this because the truth is, this would’ve happened eventually anyway. We all change, constantly. Relationships based on such a fixed and narrow portion of life rarely last the distance.

Affirmation:

I am ever changing, and I am thankful for this. I have learned and grown from my experiences and I take positive steps every day to mature and increase my happiness. I am different than I was yesterday and tomorrow, I will be different than I am today.

From there, the ball is really in their court. And whatever they decide to do is out of your control, much as the changes that you’ve decided to make are outside of their control.

We all change, and that’s okay!

Don’t apologize for changing. All you can do is to be open and honest and let those around you know why  you’re making changes and how you hope they’ll benefit your life. This is your life to live, and you need to make sure that you’re the one in the driver’s seat.

The more that all of us can make peace with the fact that things, people and situations change, the happier and more accepting we can all be.